Category: Parents

Handling Admission Decisions — A Coach’s Guide

Earlier this week my son played in a middle school basketball game. With two seconds left, he lined up to shoot free throws. He walked to the line, bounced the ball slowly several times, eyed his shot and released. Rattling from the front of the rim to the back, the ball ultimately glanced off the left side of the basket and out.

“AJ! Just take a breath. Relax and take your time,” I heard his coach yell as the opposing crowed waved their hands and pounded on the bleachers.

Perhaps it was just because he’s my son, but I could literally see the air go in and out of his chest as he tried to follow his coach’s instructions. He spun the ball around between his hands and shot…And again the ball caromed off the rim. Before anyone could rebound, the buzzer sounded. Game over.

After the team huddled for a post-game talk, the coach held my son back and put his arm around him. I couldn’t hear his words, but it was clear he was consoling and encouraging. Walking to the car, I decided not to say anything. We drove home in silence for the first ten minutes. Finally, I asked him directly, “What did coach have to say?”

He told me he understands how I feel, and that I will get another chance this season, so keep practicing and keep my head up.

—

In the weeks and months ahead, thousands of high school seniors will be receiving admission decisions, and even though they were delivered in a completely different setting, I felt like coach’s words are helpful, applicable, and worth repeating.

If you are deferred admission –Wrote about this last December, so you can read more here, but I hope you will not look back over what you could have done differently. Don’t spend time questioning if you should have written on a different essay topic or had someone else write you a letter of recommendation. Look forward not backward. You will get another chance this season. Finish this semester strong, send in your fall grades, and complete any forms or other requirements the school requests.

A defer is not a deny. Instead, it’s a hold on—a timeout to continue the basketball analogy. The game is not over, so don’t act like it is. As an example, 20% of Tech’s current first-year students were either deferred or waitlisted last year. Too many deferred students receive this news as a No, and they take their proverbial ball and go home. You did not apply for this round, but rather for next year. Be patient. Take a breath. Regroup. Shoot your next shot.

If you are denied admission —  I understand how you feel. Not just saying that either, so read this blog and the links within it for some hope, vision, and encouragement. Ok. You did not get in. This particular game is over and the buzzer has sounded. BUT you are talented. You are capable. You have tons of potential and promise. Keep practicing by rounding out your fall semester well and keep your head up!

It’s likely you’ve already been admitted to other colleges, or you soon will be. Maybe you need to spend time this holiday season working on a few more college applications. I understand you wish those free throws would have swished cleanly through the net, rather than rattled around the rim and out, but the long game is far from over. Keep your head up! If you do that, you will see plenty of people in the crowd cheering for you— family, friends, teachers, counselors, and others in your community who know you, love you, and believe in you. Focus on their words of affirmation, rather than the ones on a screen, a letter, or in your head right now.

If you are supporting a student receiving difficult news— Parents and other adults around students who are disappointed or hurting think they need to call the admission office (or the president or the governor), appeal the decision, “come down there,” or pull strings.

After twenty years of watching this cycle repeat itself, and particularly as my own kids grow up, I’ve come to appreciate ALL of that comes from a place of deep and genuine love. But ultimately, I think in these moments what kids (all of us, actually) need is very simple—and my son’s coach modeled this well—love, concern, empathy, belief, and encouragement. And hey, if the words aren’t coming, a heartfelt hug might be best anyway. You got this, coach!

Is That a Good School?

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On Sunday after lunch, I was watching college football highlights, when the back-and-forth battle in Happy Valley between the University of Illinois and Penn State came on. At the time, my 10-year-old daughter was stretching on the living room floor next to me (something I often see but rarely participate in).  

With her head literally touching the ground next to her foot, she asked, “Penn State? Is that a good school?”  

Without hesitation- “Yes.”  

Now standing with foot pulled behind her and toward her shoulder, “How about the University of Ilinois?” 

“Absolutely.” 

Over the next 15 minutes, we saw about six games recapped. Private colleges, land-grant public schools, military academies, and teams covering every geographic region of the country.   Each time the announcer moved on to a new game’s highlights, Elizabeth, after a few questions about mascots or comments on helmets, would ask the same question, “Is that a good school?” And each time (including one where my wife scrunched her nose and tightly closed her left eye), I’d respond definitively, “Yes!”  Ole Miss? Brown? University of New Mexico? Gonzaga? 

Yes is both accurate and appropriate to tell a double-jointed, 10-year-old who is too busy touching the bottom of her foot to the back of her head (what?!) to listen much beyond that anyway… but it is not a satisfactory or complete answer for you!  

Is that a good school?  

Whether you are a parent, counselor, high school student, or an adult supporting a student, this is likely a question you’ve either heard or asked recently.    

While the question is simple, it is no longer acceptable to settle for simple answers (or make telling facial expressions) like “No,” “Yes,” “It’s ok,” “It didn’t used to be,” or “it is ranked X (variable not Roman numeral 10),” because doing so absolutely ruins the opportunity to learn, research, grow, continue the conversation, and promote exploration.  

Instead, the answer to, “Is that a good school?” is not an answer at all, but instead an invitation to ask many questions in return.  

Adult Warning: Asking a high school student, particularly one who is hungry, to pause, reflect, and ask some deep and weighty questions may initially be met with grimaces, grunts, or departures from the room.   

Student Warning: Not accepting one-word summaries of colleges or reducing schools to numerical rankings or admit rates will lead to a deeper understanding of yourself. Small print: People bold and thoughtful enough to take this route have experienced clarification of their goals, an underscoring of their values, and an enhanced sense of control, excitement, and purpose. Do not take this path if you are more concerned with the opinions of others than your authentic self, are scared to diverge from the status quo.  

 Is it good school… for you? 

Adding these two words changes everything. First, it invites the ever-important question, “Why do you want to go to college?” Too few students take the time to actually consider and write down at least a two-sentence answer to this question, but it is imperative to do so. Don’t skip this step. Crawl before you walk. Here are a few prompts to get you started.  

  • Who do I hope to meet, connect with, and learn from in college? 
  • What opportunities do I want this experience to provide in the future? 
  • What type of people and learning environments bring out my best? 
  • What do you want the time and space to do, discuss, explore? 

Defining why, and making decisions to surround it will quickly lead to other big questions, but let’s take it slowly. 

Once you have your why written, revised, and clear, take some time to list the aspects of a college that are necessities, desires, and bonuses, or as you can see in the grid below, your: needs, wants, and would- be- nices.  

NEEDS WANTS WOULD BE NICE

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is that a good school… for ME?  

Do you want to be able to get home quickly to celebrate holidays and birthdays, or access health care and other services?  

Do you know you would flourish by going to college with a few people you know from home? And conversely, when you are honest, do you know the best thing to do is break away from certain people or the image/reputation you have had in high school? 

Are you going to have to take loans beyond what you and your family are comfortable with? 

Asking the question this way, and checking it through your filters of WHY, as well as your Needs, Wants, Would-Be-Nices grid provides a valuable litmus test. And this is not just valuable for considering where you might visit or apply, but it will be essential to re-visit once you have been admitted and are weighing your options as a senior in the spring.  

Well, I see you listed “cold weather” and “mountains” in your want column. That place is known for heat and humidity, and most folks would not define 806 feet above sea level as a “mountain.” So, are those aspects really wants or are they needs? 

Is that a good school for me? You listed small, discussion-based classes as important. Let’s research if that is the norm there, specifically in the majors you are considering.  

Adding two additional words helps get past rankings. If you are someone who struggles with Seasonal Affect Disorder and would not be emotionally or mentally healthy when it gets dark around 4 p.m. for several months, then regardless of the world-class faculty, impressive list of alumni, and the fact that you look good in their colors, the clear answer is NO- that school is not good for you.  

Is that a GOOD school? 

I find it surprising and disconcerting that on average people talk about restaurants with more nuance than they do colleges.   

“Is that a good restaurant?” is almost never met with a simple Yes/No. Instead, people are far more apt to make statements like, “Well, their pizza is great, but I am not a big fan of their burgers.” OR “If you are in a hurry and don’t want to spend much, it’s a good spot. But don’t expect a five-course experience.” OR “It didn’t used to be, but they’re under new management now and things have changed.” I’m sure you can add a few others to this list. “Good” for certain things. “Good” at a certain price. “Good” depending on what you are looking for.  

As an aspiring college student, you should start acting like one when you seek to answer this question.   

Research: Check out the programs certain colleges are known for, rather than simply their overall ranking or historical stereotype.  

Explore: Look into the faculty who are teaching in the majors you are interested in studying. What are they curious about and researching currently? What have they published, and which companies/board/organizations do they consult with or advise? 

Run the Numbers: Plug in your family’s financial data to an online calculator to understand likely costs and gauge affordability. What is the likelihood you would need to take loans to attend a particular college? Check out their financial aid site to understand how students off-set costs, juggle jobs and school, and so on. 

Network: Who has graduated from that institution and what are they doing now? Don’t just Google famous alumni, but also read their online alumni magazine and look at profiles and the opportunities graduates are receiving.  

Value Your Values: Read their mission and vision statement or even their strategic plan (executive summary is fine). Does it resonate? Does what you fine align with who you are and what you want to be a part of? Ultimately, Do YOU CARE?  

Culture Check: Read the online student newspaper to understand what current students are excited about, mad about, pushing to change, or snarky about in general. Check out the social media accounts of clubs, academic majors, and others on campus. While it’s fine to look at the admission or main handle for the university, your goal is to get the unvarnished look at what’s really happening at each place you consider.  

Is that a good school? Is that a good school for you? Is that a GOOD school? 

My sincere hope is going forward you wont allow yourself or anyone around you to answer this question with one number, one word, or one facial expression. Are we good? GOOD! 

Mission Matters

Listen to “Mission Matters (How Mission Factors Into Admission Decisions, and Your College Search)” on Spreaker.

After releasing admission decisions, there is always an immediate volley back in the week or two following from disappointed, frustrated, sad, or angry people (typically parents to be honest) who were deferred/denied/waitlisted. (While admitted families sometimes call, it’s not usually looking for an explanation of the decision.) This is both understandable and reasonable. We train our staff to be ready for any range of emotions, perspectives, stories, questions, and bargains/threats/reasoning.  

What’s more sporadic and interesting is the small group of what I call “delayed inquiries.” These are the ones that don’t come in the subsequent days or week after a decision release, but rather pop up on a random Thursday five weeks after notification. While there are nuances to every case, a majority of these include a few common threads:  the student was admitted somewhere else (often with a scholarship or generous aid package), and they want reconsideration from us as a result; the student was offered admission to a college that the parent deems “better” or harder to get into, so naturally we made an error; or the student has such high grades and test scores that “there must have been a mistake.” That quote is inevitably preceded by, “I am not trying to question your process.” 

Why?  

Why does a student with a lower (insert your quantitative measure here) get in and another does not? 

Why does one school have 12 students admitted to Example College (Home of the Fighting Ex’s!) and another only has three? 

Why are the Dunkin Donuts signs changing to Dunkin instead? 

Why does a neighbor/teammate/friend/classmate receive a brochure or invitation to a campus program and you don’t? 

Why does one admitted student receive more financial aid, or a higher percentage of aid, than another? 

Why did Darius Rucker switch to country music? (Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It) 

Why does the same student get into a higher ranked school and denied from one that is less selective, I.e. has a higher admit rate?  

If your answer to these questions was “MISSION,” then you either followed my logic or re-read the title after the seeming tangential Dunkin’ piece.

 MISSION DRIVES ADMISSION 

I’ve written about this before in Ad(mission) It’s Not Fair and a few other blogs, but it bears repeating: Mission is everything for deans and directors across the country. What makes these folks successful, and what they are judged by and charged with from presidents or boards, is not simply hitting enrollment targets and class goals, but also advancing the mission and vision of the university.  

Mission will influence which schools will come to your school or state this fall.   

Mission impacts the number of students in a first-year class or whether or not a school enrolls sizeable numbers of transfer students.  

Mission informs deadlines, essay topics, and the extent to which a school requests or values recommendations or interviews in their process. 

Mission has implications on the awarding of financial aid and scholarships. 

The way colleges recruit, invest time and resources, distribute admission decisions, and allot institutional dollars all comes back to Mission. 

  Your MISSION Should You Choose to Accept It (Yes, my sonand I are working our way through the Mission Impossible series this summer.)

 

Take a look at the Rose Hulman’s mission statement:  

“Our mission is to provide our students with the world’s best undergraduate science, engineering, and mathematics education in an environment of individual attention and support.”

 Now compare that with Berry College’s:  

“Berry emphasizes an educational program committed to high academic standards, values based on Christian principles, practical work experience and community service in a distinctive environment of natural beauty.” 

  1. What are the primary differences you notice between the mission statements of these two universities?
  2. Are there specific characteristics, traits, or priorities you can tell either may be looking for in students based on their missions?  
  3. How would understanding a school’s mission impact your essay or short answer responses? 

Mission Possible  

Take some time this summer to research the mission statements of a few of the colleges you are interested in applying to or visiting. You’ll find some are more clear, specific, and instructive than others, but the pages surrounding them will also include vision, values, and other content that will help you understand their priorities, distinctive qualities, and whether you resonate with their direction and culture.   

  1. What are some key words or phrases from their mission statement that stand out to you?
  2. Write down some of your previous experiences or future goals that align with their mission. 
  3. How does knowing their mission prepare you for a possible interview or essay/short-answer response?  
  4. What other questions does this review bring up about the schools you are considering? 

YOUR MISSION  

Universities spend an exorbitant amount of time and money rolling out mission statements, strategic plans, and value statements (Obviously, donut shops looking to be known more for beverages do too).  

As you enter into the admission experience, I want to challenge you to do the same thing. Take some time to consider what your mission in admission is before you ever submit an application.  

Step 1: Start by writing words, phrases, or a sentence in response to these questions.  

  1. Why do you want to go to college? 
  2. What are you looking for in a particular college? 
  3. How do finances factor into your search and selection process? 
  4. What is ultimate success for you when you are looking back on your search and selection journey? 
  5. How do relationships with your family factor into your search and decisions surrounding college?

Step 2. Review your answers and try to fill in the blanks here.  
 

My mission in the college search, application and selection journey is to ________________________________________________________. 

Along the way I am committed to _________________________________________________. 

Ultimately, I want to attend a college that ________________________________________________. 

As I finish high school and head to college, I hope my relationship with my family is characterized by ____________________________________________.  

Step 3. Ok. Now take 10-15 minutes. See if you can incorporate your answers from both steps into two or three sentences. 

Step 4. Sleep on it. Take a day or two and revisit your mission statement.  

What is missing? What edits, changes, deletions, or improvements can you make that encapsulate what you (not anyone else) are truly hoping for in this experience? 

YOUR MISSION…SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

Did you skip past all of the work to this section? If so, go back and take time to do this. Understanding your big picture goal and having perspective on what truly defines personal success in your college admission experience will help you tremendously as you build a list, write essays, prepare for interviews, handle admission decisions, and make a final college choice.  

Note 1: portions of this blog were written by my friend and co-author Brennan Barnard for a forthcoming college admission workbook publishing this fall. 

Note 2: Yes, I know the Darius Rucker one is a stretch, but I was bet I couldn’t work that into a blog this summer. 

Parents: LEAVE NO DOUBT!

Listen to “Parents: Leave No Doubt! (Supporting Students in the Admission Journey) – Katie Faussmagne, Kathleen Voss” on Spreaker.

Even though Denzel Washington is the undeniable star of Remember The Titans, the film’s title first comes up in a line that Will Patton (Coach Yoast) delivers in the middle of a big game, “You make sure they remember forever the night they played the Titans!”

If this is a movie you have seen multiple times, you may recall that little piece of trivia. But you likely missed two key things: 1- if you pause or slow mo at the 1:05:53 mark, you may recognize the profile of one of the reporters on the stairs (Yep. I made a solid $50 and got a sandwich out of it too, but meeting Denzel was the real perk.) 2- The emphatic statement Patton makes as he sends his team back onto the field immediately following his Titans line: “Leave no doubt!” It was an encouragement and an endorsement. In those three words, he was basically underscoring that he supported his squad completely and  believed in them wholeheartedly. Powerful, right?

 

If you are the parent of a sophomore or junior, now is the time to double down on that same posture. The truth is students, even amidst eye rolls or sarcasm, are equally attentive to your body language, non-verbal cues, and tone of voice. While they may be pulling away toward independence, they still need you, deeply value your opinion, and long for your approval. As you head into the summer before their senior year, now is the time to be 100% sure they know that your love, pride, and belief in them is based not on where they apply, get admitted, or ultimately go to college.

Maybe you think you have this covered. It is worth asking them that question verbatim or specifically telling them now that you support ALL of the colleges they want to research, visit, and apply to. OR… if you do have some conditions, limitations, or reservations on places you do or do not want them to look or potentially go, NOW is the time to be clear about those too. Leave. No. Doubt!

Free of charge I offer you the patent pending “Clark Doubt Checker.”

Have you bought a t-shirt for yourself recently from a particular college your student is considering – or you hope they will apply to?

Do you ask questions/ make time to visit/ or read the literature of only certain colleges your student is interested in?

Have you used the words “secretly hope” or “my first choice” when talking with friends about your student’s college search?  

These are not hypothetical or manufactured examples. First-year students tell us these stories every year, often with a clear tone of sadness or an expression of dejection. If any of these make you a bit uneasy, well…Will Patton would have some fiery words for you.

The good news is you have the ability right now to be sure this will not be your family’s story. Leaving no doubt does not mean completely resigning yourself to exactly where your student wants to apply or attend or what they want to major in during college. Instead, it means being honest about your hopes and dreams, listening—really listening—to their hopes and dreams, and most importantly reassuring them that you value the health and integrity of your relationship over any accomplishment, GPA, or offer of admission they may receive or not receive. Do not delay. I understand that it is “just May.” But May turns quickly into August, and seeds of doubt can easily germinate and grow with every passing month.

If you are the parent of a senior, basically all of that applies to you too, so go back and read closely if you skipped to this point. As your student careers toward graduation, you may have some triage work to do.

This week take the time to consider:

Does my student know with 100% certainty that I support the college they have deposited with?

If they are still debating between options, do they know that their happiness (not the name on a bumper sticker) is what I truly care about?  

Have I done/said/intimated/worn anything recently that may place a kernel of doubt in their mind?

Have I done/said/intimated/worn anything during this entire college admission experience that may place a kernel of doubt in their mind?

Have I said anything to my friends (or parents of their friends) that does not reflect my 100% support?

If they are on a waitlist, how am I balancing my feelings and comments about what might be versus what currently is?

Again, when you are honest, if you have reservations about any of this, make the time to address it with your student. You are the adult here, so you need to lead. Apologies, transparency, initiation, these are mature skills that, undoubtedly, you would like them to acquire. Now is your opportunity to model those.

Most students arrive on campus nervous about something. Perhaps they are uneasy about making new friends, unsure about leaving home, or questioning their ability to succeed, or possibly any number of other very legitimate and understandable anxieties. Don’t let their security in your love and support be among that group.

Assume nothing- LEAVE NO DOUBT!

Soothing the Sting of College Admission Decisions

Listen to “Soothing the Sting of College Admission Decisions – Rick Clark” on Spreaker.

My son has terrible seasonal allergies. Since Atlanta is basically a city in the forest, spring is really rough as everything starts to bloom. This week his throat has been so sore that he’s barely eaten, he’s woken up most nights crying in discomfort, and has spent his days at school suffering under a mask. As a parent, I want so badly to take away his pain, but I’m left helplessly repeating, “It is going to be ok. You are going to feel better soon.”  

All true but he’s the one having to suffer through the pain and frustration (plus pop Claritin and suck on lozenges). I can support and encourage him, but ultimately it’s just going to take time to improve.   

Over the last few weeks, and in the days ahead, many colleges are releasing admission decisions. Inevitably, some of you reading this will be (or have been) denied or waitlisted (or supporting those who do). 

I can’t totally soothe that sting, but over the years, I’ve written extensively about my own personal “re-routes,” as well as the experiences of students, family, and friends.  

Here are a few that may give you some perspective, solace, and hope.  

Lessons and Hopes for High School Seniors. Happened last year – lost an election to the board of my national organization. 

“The truth is we learn more about ourselves when we don’t get something, or when something is taken away, than when everything is smooth, easy, and going our way. Growth comes after discomfort or pain. My hope is you won’t just get through the admission process, but rather embrace it as an opportunity to remember the decisions of others are not what define us. They may change our direction, but character, mentality, and motivation is ours to choose.”

I Have a Brother. Multiple instances of not making a team, being selected, getting a job, getting into his first-choice college, and more. 

“My hope is you will come to understand and appreciate that success is not a point-to-point trip. A life fully and well-lived is not a straight road. So when you feel like things are falling apart; when you look around and believe “everyone else is happy;” when you question what you did wrong or why something did not work out, my hope is you will remember you are not at a dead-end, or even a U-turn that is forcing you to double back. These are inevitable turns, re-routes, and natural bends in the road you should expect on any journey.” 

Handling That Moment, Junior year in high school, dumped by my girlfriend.   

“If you If you find yourself in that moment, I hope you will have the clarity to know—or the willingness to hear your friends or parents or coaches remind you—of the truth: nobody is perfect. No college is either.” 

The Other Side. Stories of current college students who did not end up where they expected. 

“There are many times in life that we need to be reminded to slow down, remain calm, and dream of The Other Side.  I hope you’ll strive to recognize those moments not only in your own life but in those of your friends and family members too. Take the time to encourage them; to come around them; to describe with optimism and confidence the better days that lie ahead.” 

Earlier this week, Melissa Korn, who covers education for the Wall Street Journal, sent out this tweet encouraging followers to share their stories of denial and disappointment. If you are a senior currently awaiting or having just received a waitlist or deny decision, I encourage you to go check out that thread, as admission directors and others from around the country shared their own stories.

I’ve said before and will say again, college admission decisions are not character judgments or predictions of future potential. Getting in, or not getting in, to a particular school does not change who you are, the feasibility of your goals, or define you in a substantive way. 

Just like with my son I know I cannot fully take away your discomfort or pain or frustration with my words. That is going to take some time. But hopefully through these stories and posts will help you begin to believe and see that you are not just going to be ok—you are going to be great. TRUST!