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Remember The Important Things

What am I forgetting?

Sunday, December 1

7:13 a.m. – I awake to the faint sound of singing. This is not typical. Groggily, I open my eyes and look over at my wife. Dead asleep.

7:15 a.m. – I drag myself out of bed, pull on a shirt, and shuffle to the bathroom exhausted. After a week of traveling, spending time with extended family, and consuming more food in a day than I normally do in a week, we had returned home just in time to host eight 3rd graders for my daughter’s ninth birthday. We’d gone to bed around 1 a.m. after a night of ice skating, pizza, cake, popcorn, and a late night movie.

7:19 a.m. – I open our bedroom door and walk down the stairs to the unmistakable tune (though in a very high key) of “Jingle Bells” echoing from the living room.

“Good morning, ladies,” I croak. I received a few casual glances and then witnessed a truly incredible, seamless transition to “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Turning on the coffee machine and leaning against the counter I ponder just how much money it would take to convince my son and his friends to sit in a circle wearing their pajamas, hold hands, and sing Christmas Carols.

7:23 a.m. – I pour a full cup of dark roast coffee. You may have seen the mug or sign “No Coffee No Workee.” For me it is more “No Coffee No Thinkee.” The synapses in my brain are powered by caffeine. I am simply a better human post- coffee. All of that.

7:25 a.m. – I begin mixing pancake batter and begin to have that strange feeling that I’m forgetting something important…

  • Accounted for all children in my charge.
  • Recounted number of cracked eggs.
  • Wearing pants.

*All of those would have been bad on some level. Jail time would vary.

8:03 a.m. Girls have now torn through 26 pancakes and are bouncing on the trampoline (still singing).  Amy comes downstairs and heads straight for the coffee. Sympatico.

Me: Hey. Was there something I was supposed to do today?

Her: Pretty sure you were going to rub my feet and wash my car. (Clearly, coffee is just a habit as her synapses seem to fire just fine on their own).

Me: I don’t know what it is, but there’s something significant about December 1.

Her facial expression is equal parts concern, bemusement, and disgust. Tilting her head down and to the left while simultaneously raising her right eyebrow, she sasks (partly saying/ partly asking) “It’s our daughter’s birthday.” Translation: “Are you kidding me right now?”

Me: Flipping my head in direction of the caroling trampoline… No. No. I do know that. Something else.

Her: Sips coffee. 

10:21 a.m. – The girls have been picked up and the house is quiet, but my mind is racing. Granted, I’m three cups of coffee in, but it is something else. Something about today. What am I forgetting? I check my phone calendar, my Ipad calendar, my laptop calendar (sometimes I have syncing issues). Nothing.

11:34 a.m. – I go for a run. This will clear my mind and help me remember. Nada.

12:08 p.m. – Stretching. Still tormented. Not quite Edgar Allen Poe The Raven level but definitely something rapping, tapping in my mind for sure.

3:13 p.m. – We are at the symphony watching Home Alone. Side note: If you’ve not gone to see a movie played with live music accompaniment, do it sometime. If you’ve not seen Home Alone, you’ve lived an incomplete life.  That is your holiday assignment for sure.

Mrs. McCallister is having the same type of day I am. She knows she has forgotten something important but cannot seem to remember what it is. Finally, she sits bold upright in the plane and yells, “Kevin!”

BAM!! That’s what it took to jar my memory. I looked over at my wife, tapped her shoulder, and whispered, “It’s Preparation Day! That’s what I could not remember.”

Her: (Again, with that vicious concoction of concern, bemusement, and disgust.) What is Preparation Day?

Me: Do you remember that blog from last year about students being deferred admission?

Her eyes gently close. She takes a long, deep breath, rocks her head back, and then slowly rotates it in a complete circle. I’ve learned this to be her non-verbal sign for, “When I open my eyes again, I’m going to pretend like you’re not here.”

Anyway…

As you may recall, last year I pronounced December 1 “National Preparation Day” and challenged seniors who had applied Early Action or Early Decision to colleges with less than a 50% admit rate to take the “PDP”—Preparation Day Pledge. (So I’m a few days late but thankfully was able to pull some strings and get you a deadline extension this year!)

While there is nothing magic about these words (although I worked some pretty cool ones in), my hope is by actually saying this pledge, you will: prepare yourself for the possibility of being deferred or denied, keep perspective, and move forward in your admission experience in a balanced, grounded, healthy way.

Take the Pledge!

“I, (state your name), being of sound (though overly caffeinated) mind and (sleep-deprived) body, do hereby swear that I will not presume anything in the admission process. I acknowledge that I will not look at middle 50 percent ranges and expect that my scores, though in the top quartile, guarantee my admittance.

I will not look at middle 50 percent ranges of hitherto admitted classes and expect my scores, though in the bottom quartile, will be overlooked based on my amazing essay, parents’ connections, pictures of me in a onesie from that college, or the 12 letters of recommendation that have been sent on my behalf.

I understand the heretofore explicated concept of holistic admission is neither fair nor perfect, wherein I will likely not agree with, nor be capable of predicting all results, despite the complex algorithms I employ or the kingdom fortunetellers I visit.

Furthermore, I agree that I will not view an admission decision as an indictment of my character, a judgment on my hitherto demonstrated preparation, nor a prediction of my future success.”

I got deferred…

Since many colleges will be releasing admission decisions in the next few weeks and being deferred is a very real possibility, I wanted to be sure that you had a few tips on how to understand and handle that decision.  What does being deferred really mean?

It means you have some work to do.

You need to send in your fall grades. You may need to write an additional essay or tell the admission committee more about your senior year extracurricular activities. Defer is a “hold on.” It is a “maybe.” Don’t like those characterizations? Fine—call it “tell us more.” They will be looking at how you’ve done in a challenging senior schedule, or if your upward grade trend will continue, or if you can juggle more responsibility outside the classroom with your course load. Bottom line is you have work to do. Are you going to get admitted in the next round? No promises. But if getting deferred is what helps keep you focused and motivated, you should look at their decision as a good thing. Finish well.

It means you may need to submit another application or two. 

If you’ve already got this covered, that’s great. You were ahead of Preparation Day. If not, then good news—many great schools have deadlines in January. The bottom line is you need applications in at a few schools with higher admit rates and lower academic profiles than the one that deferred you.

It means holistic review is a real thing.

If your scores and grades are above their profile and they defer you, they only proved what they said in their publications and presentations—admission is about more than numbers. At Georgia Tech we are knee-deep in application review. We have not released decisions, but day in and day out we are slating students for defer who have ACT scores of 35 or 36 and great grades. Is that “shocking?” It shouldn’t be. Institutional priorities, shaping a class, and supply and demand drive admission decisions. Similarly, if your scores are in the middle or below their profile, a defer also proves decisions are made using more than just numbers.

It means you need to check your ego and wait.

Does that sound harsh? Sorry—but sometimes, life is harsh. This is why you should take the pledge. If you are prepared for “no,” then a defer will not rock you as bad. Admission decisions feel personal. How could they not? Nobody loves spending a few more months in limbo. But this is not about you. This is about schools who are hedging their bets and wanting to evaluate you in context of their overall pool. Kind of sucks. I get it. But too many students do not send in fall grades, complete the deferred form, or send other information schools ask for because they’ve never heard of a “maybe” (perhaps the first they’ve ever heard). Think of the admission experience as your first foray into your college years and start looking at maybes as good things. If you liked a school enough to apply, finish the drill. Give them reasons to admit you in the next round. It is called an admission process. There are rounds for a reason. Don’t go halfway and stop.

It means you need to look forward, not backward.

Technically, defer does mean “to put off or delay,” but my hope is you’ll re-frame that as to look forward to something in the future. DO NOT look back! DO NOT second guess whether you should have taken AP Geography in the ninth grade instead of band, or blame Mr. Thompson for giving you an 89 instead of a 93 that would have bumped your GPA by .00083.

It means control what you can control.

People want so desperately to predict and analyze admission decisions that are influenced by macro institutional goals and made in rooms they will never enter. I hope you’ll focus more on the rooms you enter every day. Your classroom, living room, etc. Defer means stay focused on the micro. This is your one and only senior year.  Do well—but more importantly do good. Don’t worry about those rooms hundreds of miles away. Be a good friend. Be a good sibling. Be a good teammate. Go thank a teacher that wrote a recommendation for you. Hug your mama.

It means remember the important things. Don’t be like me or Mrs. McCallister. Take the Pledge!  (And seriously, go watch Home Alone for the first or fifteenth time. So good!)

Say Yes to the (School)

This week we welcome Senior Admission Counselor Samantha Rose-Sinclair to the blog. Welcome, Sammy!

“I like it a lot.”

A nice enough stamp of approval, but not the reaction to a wedding gown that Say Yes to the Dress conditioned me to expect. “The dress” is a big investment and a landmark decision that can drum up emotions of the future ahead. “Like” is good, but shouldn’t my sister be gushing about her love of the dress? Should she be crying? Should I be crying? Maybe I should cry.

My sister and her entourage.

My sister, mom, grandma and I sat in a lovely dress shop in Savannah awaiting Alex’s next thought. She twisted while carefully observing herself in the mirror and smoothing the lace. “Yeah, I really like it,” she said with a smile. She turned to us expectantly and asked, “But what do you guys think?”

For those of you who have never joined in on a dress boutique shopping adventure, here’s the play-by-play of what you can expect: the bride usually brings suggestions of styles she likes. With the help of a consultant, she picks out styles in their shop that match as closely as possible, with the occasional curveball pick or two. They retreat to a dressing room to shimmy on the dresses, and the bride then comes out in the ones she deems “entourage worthy.” We assess while the bride shares her first thoughts, then the group offers feedback and praise (or not) while she stands atop a pedestal.

Now from here, everything I knew about wedding dress shopping (which came exclusively from TLC shows) told me I should be watching for “that moment.” You know, the moment someone tries on their dress and “they just know,” or when there is an obvious blubbering mess of emotions spilling out into the room. Yet here we were, and Alex was very measured and surprisingly calm. Well, not too surprising… she’s a Pediatric ED nurse, so I probably should have expected the calm.

All those magical things, including the notion that you’ll “just know,” are also constantly repeated about the college search process. Even I, as an admission counselor, am guilty of throwing those ideas around. But the concept of a dream college and the idea of one true fit that “clicks” as soon as you step on campus… that may or may not be your experience, and that’s okay.  Colleges are real places (flaws and all), and a “dream school” sets an unrealistic expectation.

“I like it a lot” 

Just because you don’t feel that magical “click” doesn’t mean anything is wrong with the school, or more importantly, with you. If you’re more analytical, consider asking yourself questions that evaluate what you’re experiencing a little more tangibly.

When you’re researching colleges, ask yourself:

  • Do I want to learn more about this school?
  • Where could I fit into the big picture of the things I’m reading about?
  • Does the mission statement of this college resonate with me?
  • Could this school help me fulfill the goals of not only what I want to do in college (and beyond), but why I want to go to college? (this one requires a bit of self-reflection.)

When you’re visiting colleges, ask:

  • Am I counting down the minutes until I leave, or am I excited to explore more? (Note: as tough as it may be, try to separate out temporary things like weather patterns from your long term judgments. A gross rainy day can make you eager to leave, but that’s not what we’re going for here.)
  • Am I looking forward to the possibility of coming back?
  • Did I hear about any unique opportunities today that piqued my interest?
  • Can I see myself engaging in this community?

And for each of the above answers, ask yourself “Why?”

“But what do you guys think?”

Sometimes a trusted confidant can help reshape things or put the process into perspective. The floor sample of the dress Alex was wearing came in an off-white that looked greyish purple. It was hard for her to get past that in order to make a decision, even though the consultant patiently reassured her the dress she’d order could come in ivory. After noticing the hesitation, I asked the consultant to grab a fabric sample of the ivory and we pinned it to the skirt of the dress. Now she could envision it.

Your support system can look at things in a way you may not have considered. You might be looking for a major in Game Design and overlook a program called “Computational Media.” A different term, but a perfect match. It can be helpful to have a second set of eyes to assist in navigating the roadblocks to a connection.

Alex also hedged her emotions a bit out of trepidation for the entourage in the room—mom and grandma’s opinions matter a lot. Sure, she liked the dress, but what if we didn’t like it, and we didn’t approve? Parents, guardians, and supporters: sometimes a little encouragement and praise can help! In the foreign environment of a college search, be reassuring. Your student may be cautiously expressive because they’re holding their breath for what you think, or they may doubt belonging there because impostor syndrome on college campuses is very real.

 ”I really like it”

Photo used with permission from Ivory & Beau (Savannah, GA)

The dress matched everything my sister’s Pinterest board showed she was looking for, and she looked beautiful. But ultimately, Alex isn’t the “magical-fairytale-moment-crying-in-a-dress” type (Trademark, Sammy Rose-Sinclair). Remember, that’s okay. She still said yes! So with her family around her, we celebrated her decision with ”she/I said yes” tambourines (yes, I too just learned that’s a real thing, and now need one for all my decisions) and Alex bought the dress she’ll wear down the aisle next year.

She really likes the dress. She’s even thrown the word “love” around a few times since. Crazy, right? What’s most important, though, is how much Alex really loves her husband-to-be, Dave. They’re patient with each other, they’re thoughtful, silly, and kind. They’re incredibly excited about their wedding, but even more excited about the future that comes with it.

And that’s the real takeaway here: your college will be a wonderful place. I hope you really, truly, like it a lot. But it’s the things you’ll do, the people you’ll meet, the opportunities you’ll have, that will make it special.

Sammy Rose-Sinclair has worked in college admission for four years. A newly-minted southerner, she moved to Atlanta and joined Georgia Tech two years ago as a senior admission counselor on the first-year admission team. She now uses her millennial-ness and love of working with students, families, and counselors to interact with the GT Admission community through our social media channels. If you’ve gotten this far, send her questions about admission or Netflix recommendations on twitter or Instagram- @gtadmission.

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Focus on the Journey, Not the Destination

This week we welcome Senior Assistant Director of Special Scholarships Chelsea Scoffone to the blog. Welcome, Chelsea!

Earlier this month, I returned from a leadership Tech Trek with 10 incoming first-year students. We spent nine days in the back country learning how to navigate through the Bob Marshall Wilderness with 45 pounds on our backs and little-to-no outdoor experience (apart our trained guides).

Our group of 15 included four upperclassmen and me, serving as the lone staff member. We had students from as far away as Rhode Island and as close as Atlanta. They represented future architects, engineers, doctors, and policy makers. On the surface they seemed to have little in common. Throughout the trip they experienced struggles that ranged from taking the wrong trail to heat exhaustion. We experienced the thrill of summiting a mountain and the pain in our knees from descending 3,500 feet on the final day.

I watched the students begin to lift each other up when they were struggling to get up the mountain, share their food when another person had none readily accessible, and engage in dialogue on ideas where they diverged. It was extremely rewarding to observe their personal growth, and it gave me so much faith in the individuals who will be some of the change-makers on Tech’s campus over the next four years.

You may be wondering how this relates to the college and the admission process. Here are five things I learned from the Tech Trek excursion that you will undoubtedly experience during the college application process.

The journey matters far more than the destination.

Montana’s views were breathtaking. Many colleagues told me Montana was the best location among the several I had to choose from. However, I would trade Montana for Atlanta (or any other place) if I knew I got to keep the students on my trip. The students made the trip memorable, not Montana. When you’re going through the college admission process, it is easy to get caught up on the name brand certain universities carry and the preconceived notion that only certain schools can prepare you for success. I challenge you to forget about rankings and prestige (yes, even ours!) and instead focus on which university offers the experience that is a best fit for YOU. Your ability to be successful does not stem from the name of a university, but instead from taking advantage of opportunities and the investment you put into learning and growing during your collegiate career.

Your ability to accept help is crucial to your success.

During our backpacking adventure we hiked 30 miles just over three and a half days. The hike challenged us and required us to utilize our different strengths in order to complete the trek. I found it fascinating that most participants did not want to ask for help on day one, and instead tried to unsuccessfully perform tasks on their own. By day two, each of us were asking for help with setting up tents, cooking food, and even reaching a water bottle that was wedged in our pack. The group’s efficiency and success took a noticeable turn once they began to rely on each other for support.

From my experience working with students, one of the most difficult things for them to do is to ask for assistance from others. Asking for help requires vulnerability and for many seems like weakness. However, let me ask you this—how many college applications ask if you received help during your high school career? Or if you sought tutoring or counseling? To my knowledge, 0% of colleges and universities will ask if you sought help or support. So, what are you waiting for? Seek advice and support from others when you are struggling and remember some of the best leaders in the world are those who lean on others.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

I vividly remember on our first day of the hike a group of the students nearly running because they were so excited to get to our first campsite. However, after lunch, the group took an obvious turn and seemed to have no energy left for the last three miles. We struggled a lot that day. At the debrief at the end of the day though, I was impressed to see the team reflect on why they were rushing to finish and recognizing that no matter how fast they moved, they were still going to be in the wilderness for three more days.

Their reflection reminded me of the admission process. Many of you will be tempted to rush through your applications so you can hurry and submit them. But then what? For most schools, the notification date is set, and you will still be left waiting for the results. I encourage you not to sprint through the application process. Slow your pace and take time on each part of the application. Stop to take in the view, enjoy it, ponder it, and eventually move on to the next section, much like you would during a hike. The process can be long and grueling. But if you take it one mile at a time you will find it to be more enjoyable and rewarding (and you won’t be exhausted at the end).

You are capable of more than you realize.

I watched 10 students push themselves outside their comfort zone and succeed in the wilderness. However, almost all of them were apprehensive and worried about their abilities to survive the backpacking experience. Some questioned their ability to do it once they saw the strength of their peers and worried they might be the weak link. Luckily, none of them chose to throw in the towel. Instead, they pushed themselves for nine days and found new strength and confidence when they finished the trip.

So, let me repeat the bold words above: YOU are capable of more than you realize! Senior year is difficult. You will likely have to choose between competing events and write 10 iterations of the same essay for your college applications. However, I want you to know you will get through this year and the investment you make with your college applications will pay off in the spring. You will be able to look back on the last nine months and see how strong and capable you are and will be able to channel those skills into whichever university you choose to attend.

Enjoy the process.

The biggest lesson I learned from the Tech Trek was to enjoy the process and not be so focused on the finish line. I enjoyed our 30-mile hike but there were times when I just wanted to finish and did not care about the scenery around me. Some of my most memorable moments on the trip were those that were unplanned, such as an unexpected break to swim in the lake, or summiting Holland Peak, which was not part of original route. Had I only focused on the outcome, I would not have built relationships with others or recognized the sheer beauty of the landscape.

Many of you are in the thick of college applications or supporting someone who is in the midst of applying to college. Some of the best moments that lie ahead are those you don’t expect. Celebrate each college acceptance. Talk to strangers during your campus visits. These are the experiences you will remember most. I know how easy it is to focus on the admission decisions, but I challenge you to use this exciting time in your life to ask current students on college campuses about their experience, put down a textbook for a few hours and catch up with a high school friend, and reflect on how far you have come. These are the moments you will want to remember as you begin college.

Chelsea Scoffone joined Georgia Tech in 2015 and works with the Office of Special Scholarships. In her current role, she manages the recruitment and selection process for the Stamps President’s and Gold Scholarships and assists with other programmatic responsibilities such as student mentorship, academic support, and student development initiatives. Her interest in merit scholarships has led her to her involvement on the Board of Directors for the Undergraduate Scholars Program Administrators Association where she currently serves as Vice President.

 

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A Board Gamer’s Guide to College Admission

This week we welcome Associate Director for Guest Experience, Andrew Cohen, to the blog. Welcome, Andrew!

My brother and sister-in-law are obsessed with board games.  From popular games like Settlers of Catan to more obscure ones like Sheriff of Nottingham (look it up, it is a fun one!), they have a large collection that is constantly growing. Whenever I spend time with them, we usually end up playing some type of game together… but only certain ones.  They have a pretty good idea whether or not I will like a game, and they know if it is worth trying to convince me to learn a new one.  I tend to gravitate towards games that require less strategy, are shorter in length and, most importantly, are not very complicated to learn.

When they finally convince me to play a new game, they teach me the rules, strategy, and logistics of the game.  We have a routine when learning a new game, which makes it a bit easier to pick up.  When I think about our love for playing games, I see lots of similarities to the college search and admission process.

No two games are alike

In their collection of games, my brother and sister-in-law have quite a variety.  Who knew there were so many different types of games? Their collection includes games like What do you Meme, which is an Apples to Apples type game but with pictures and captions to make up memes.  One of my favorites is Sushi Go!, a card game with various items from Japanese cuisine that have different point values (but don’t get too excited about your hand–each each turn you pass your hand to the person next to you!). They have several board games with tons of little pieces… games that take too much time to set up… and games that require a certain number of players. The options are truly endless when it comes to their board game collection.

When you begin your college search, you will discover that no two schools are the same.  There are many differences, from the majors offered to the layout of residence halls to the types of experiential learning available.  With all these differences, you have to come to terms that not every college (or board game) will be for you.

My family knows me well enough to only recommend games they think I will like. Once I play a game, I have a much clearer opinion of it.  Take your college counselor’s recommendations, learn more about the schools they recommend, and if possible, schedule a campus visit.  These experiences are going to help you determine if an institution is the right fit for you.

Read the Instructions!

When it comes to the college search process, you can expect certain things. But like a board game, there are many variations and differences. So you first have to rely on a board game’s instruction manual to get started.

One of the first sections in the manual will be a summary of the various pieces included in the box. When a game comes with many different pieces, the instruction book will explain all of them.

When you review an admission website or attend an information session, all admission offices are going to clearly outline the necessary requirements to apply to the institution.  Is the institution test optional? Can you submit teacher recommendations?  Are there supplemental essays? If so, what are the topics?  When doing research about various institutions, all of these should be clearly outlined for students.

That explains how you play, but how do you win? In all games there are winners and losers, and all instruction manuals will outline what it takes to win a game. When it comes to the college admission process, you will have to learn what it takes to be admitted.  At many schools, they provide a specific GPA and/or test score requirements needed for admittance. But for schools that utilize a holistic application review, the question of “how do I get in” or “will I be admitted” is not as clear cut.  Just like playing a board game, sometimes you try your hardest and do your best but still don’t win.  There are many factors out of your control. It is important to understand what that means for you as the player, or student.

We Can All Become Gamers

bingo card

Click the image above to download campus visit bingo!

Over time, the more we play games, the easier it is to pick up on new ones.  When learning a new game, we start by looking through the instructions to get an idea of how to play.  When it gets confusing, we turn to YouTube and watch a few “how to” videos.  This is usually what I find to be the most helpful.  The videos are planned out and ensure you learn all the necessary rules to start playing. They also walk through different examples that make it easy to understand the logistics of the game.

As you go through the college search, it gets easier and you become more knowledgeable.  As you visit more schools, you learn more about the differences and similarities between schools. What you like and what you don’t like.  You become more familiar with the lingo and the questions that you should ask.  Visiting colleges and universities, attending college fairs and meeting admission counselors when they visit your high school are all great ways for you to become more comfortable and familiar with today’s college admission landscape.

Your first college tour might be completely overwhelming, but by the time you visit your fifth college, you will be looking out for specific facts and know what specific questions to ask.

In a few weeks, I will be spending a long weekend with my family in the Finger Lakes in Upstate New York.  I guarantee my brother will bring a few games we have all played before.  It will be nice to be able to pick up a game and start playing right away.

For students who return to school in the coming weeks, I am sure you will start thinking about college applications and what schools you want to visit.  As the person at Georgia Tech who oversees the campus visit program, I understand that your college visits can be like learning a new game—a lot of information you need to take in and remember.

To help you remember important information shared during your campus visits, we encourage you to make a game out of it!  Don’t worry, this game requires little direction and is something you are already familiar with.  On your next college tour, play Campus Visit Bingo.  The directions are easy: during your information session and campus tour, listen for the answers and fill in all the boxes.  See how many boxes you can fill in, and feel free to ask question to help fill in your board.  Most importantly, have fun with it!

Andrew Cohen joined Georgia Tech in 2018 and currently oversees the guest experience for all Undergraduate Admission visitors. His love for providing visitors with informative, authentic and personal experiences started as a student tour guide at his alma mater, Ithaca College. Andrew’s passion for the visit experience has lead him to his involvement in the Collegiate Information and Visitor Services Association, where he currently services as the Treasurer on their executive board.

If you would like to subscribe to receive blog entries when they post, please enter your email address in the “subscribe” box at the top of the page. We welcome comments and feedback at @gtadmission on Twitter.

Tryouts, Part 2

Is Facebook attempting to take over the world? Do their seemingly benign terms like connection and algorithm really cover a secret plot to install a Zuckerbergian World Order? I don’t know. This is not that kind of blog. What I’m really doing is telling you I got a Facebook memory this week from my son’s “Academy” soccer tryouts last year.

If you are someone who insists on reading the foreword or won’t read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe until you’ve first read The Magicians’ Nephew, you can go back and read last year’s blog here. Here’s the short version: prior to academy soccer I coached my son’s recreational soccer team and he was trying to take the next step up.

Looking at the picture reminded me of a few things…

It reminded me of when the club director gathered all the parents for a quick meeting during the first night of tryouts. “Thank you all for coming out tonight. This is an academy, and we treat it like that: a school. We are all about player development and are here to teach the game and help your son get better. There will be three teams: elite, premier and united.”

As parents, we love our kids and want the best for them. Of course we want them to grow, improve, and develop, but sometimes we confuse what’s “best” on a list, ranking, or some contrived perception vs. what’s best for them as a person (a match, fit, etc.).  Too often (and sometimes subconsciously) parents begin to believe the reputation of the colleges their son or daughter gets into or chooses to attend is somehow a reflection of their parenting.

At least in part, this is why the first questions after the coach’s solid speech (especially given the steady rain under which he delivered it) were:

DAD #1 from under a Price Waterhouse Coopers umbrella: How many spots do you have on the elite team this year?

Coach: All returning players must try out again, so that number is yet to be determined.

MOM #1 standing just outside the tent with rain now tumbling off her loose-fitting jacket hood: “If my son has a bad tryout and gets placed on the lower level team, can he move up?”

Coach: Yes, we will move players. Sometimes during the season, but other times they’ll need to try out at the end of the year to be assessed for a different squad.

As your family visits colleges and works to create a list of schools to apply to this summer, fight the temptation to focus solely on rankings or preconceived echelons. Instead, ask “Does this school focus on and provide the type of environment to help our child thrive?” In other words, what is the best match based on location, size, setting, programs, and support systems?

Question whether you really see a discernible difference in student quality or alumni outcomes at a school that is 15 percentage points higher/lower in admit rate or 20 spots lower/ higher in a particular ranking.

Consider if what some online guide has categorized as “Elite, Premier, or United” is relevant or valid based on your kid’s goals and personality.

Look around you. If you’re like me you know plenty of people who went to schools that admit well over half of their applicants and don’t show up in many Top 25 or 50 lists, but are now running their own businesses, leading teams, and influencing their communities.

The picture reminded me that before we found out which team (if any) he made, we ensured he knew we loved him and were proud of him regardless.

Your job as a parent is to fall in love with ALL of your son or daughter’s college choices; to remind them (and yourself) that their worth and potential is not dictated by the name of the school they wear on a hoodie; and to emphatically convey that your love, pride, acceptance, and belief in them is not correlated with admission decisions.

The picture reminded me I needed to finish the story and tell you my son made the United team. He was excited. And even though it meant an end to my 15-season coaching streak, I was excited for him. After he got the call from the coach, I took my own advice and earnestly congratulated him, had him call a few family members so they could celebrate with him, and took him to an Atlanta United game (and for some ice cream).

Looking at him in that picture reminded me of how far he’s come over the last year, and reinforced that where he ended up really was the best place for him. As promised, he has gotten significantly better. The Academy has done what it said it would do—helped him improve as a player. His fundamental skills are stronger, he’s more confident, and he made a few close friends on the team who spent the night regularly and are rooming with him at a camp this summer. His coach was amazing— and perfect for his transition into that league. He not only liked my son but took time frequently after practice and even on a few off weekends to work with him.

Every year I meet parents or counselors of students who did not get into their first choice school or could not afford to attend (we’ve written about this too). Inevitably, they tell stories about how well they’re doing and say things like, “Looking back I’m so glad she didn’t get into X college because Y University really has been perfect for her.” Sometimes the admission process is like a roller coaster. Even though you see people coming off the ride smiling and talking excitedly about the experience, there is still fear, anxiety, and some trepidation that it’s not going to go as well for you. My hope is you’ll lift your hands up, trust, and enjoy the ride — together.

It reminded me that tryouts are again this week. Last night we had the conversation you would expect a dad who grew up around soccer and is an admission director to have—“even though you have worked really hard and gotten so much better” (said in a gentle, encouraging way), “you may not get moved up. It depends on who else tries out; if Premier needs someone with your skill set; and who is making the decisions for setting the teams.”

When a school has an admit rate of 20% or 12%, the talent, preparation and skills to contribute are incredible. And the truth is those percentages don’t exactly translate to 1 of 5 or 12 of 100 because that year they may only be looking for a few “defenders,” e.g. students in a particular major or from your state. You will not be able to control who else or how many others are trying out. You won’t be in the room when applications are reviewed and discussed. What you do control is your mentality. You do control your perspective.

After I finished my speech, he slowly nodded his head, paused, and then said calmly, “I know, dad. I just like getting to play.”

Kids. Whether 8 or 18, when it comes to this kind of thing, they understand and can handle a lot more than we give them credit for. Sometimes we just have to get out of their way.

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